Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
