that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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