Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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