Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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