i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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