We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
