I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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