so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
