His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
