All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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