Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
this is an emotional support booty call
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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