UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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