Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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