and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no. you can't hotbox the world.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
