mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Randomize
