So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
