i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
