You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
