There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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