Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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