we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
