Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize