Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
40s are totally the cure
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
