So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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