I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
