i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
