It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
