I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize