Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
