sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize