My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
