is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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