I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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