you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
