Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
