so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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