You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Randomize
