i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
