She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
