You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize