Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
