what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
