he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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