Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
