I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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