Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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