In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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