The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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