Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
