Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
