someone threw a dead crab at me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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