I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
