Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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