Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
