Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
