This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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