Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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