I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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