Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
