My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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