What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
