I just cut my nipple shaving
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
