wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
