Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
