Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
bring money and cleavage
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
