I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Randomize
