The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
