i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
