trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize