So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
where are my eyebrows?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
