i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
that may or may not have been my penis.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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