I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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