im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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