Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
