I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
