All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
